Breastimonial: The Peek-a-Boob Button
The Peek-a-Boob button…for women out there who have big boobs, you know exactly what I’m talking about. The boob button appears when you wear a button down shirt and you have big boobs. It’s the button that lays across your boobs and more than likely this button will pop open at least once or twice per day. Or If the button doesn’t lay directly across your boobs then you end up with a gaping hole between the two tightest buttons. A.K.A. The Button-Down Boob Gap, "‘Peek-a-Boob” gap, gaping in the chest area. Or as one friend described it that thing that looks like a toddler is playing hide-and-seek.
And what’s worse about the boob button issue is that hardly anyone will dare say something to you about it. I compare the boob button to having food in your teeth. You're having dinner with friends or your out with your boyfriend; you’re all smiles and laughing. Then, you notice one of them has something green stuck between their teeth. What is it? Lettuce? Spinach? Seeds? But it doesn't really matter…the question is, should you mention it?
This is the same question you ask yourself when a woman you might not know very well has the infamous boob gap embarrassing wardrobe malfunction. Should you tell them? What is the correct etiquette? Or just let someone else tell them and pretend you didn’t see it? Is there even a polite way to mention it? Can you even keep your eyes off the boob gap long enough for someone else to tell her? Probably not!
I can vividly remember my first peek-a-boob shirt experience. I was 22 years old, a young professional working for a top consulting firm. I was looking fabulous in my business attire and I was on a conference call with a client along with a handful of male co-workers in the same room. Well I guess at some point my shirt popped open and I had no idea it had happened. But I clearly remember seeing a few co-workers glancing in the direction of my breasts. I had no idea. My boobs were so big that I couldn’t even see all the buttons on my shirt from my downward view. At the end of the call, I went to the bathroom and stepped in front of the mirror…and there was my shirt wide open at my breasts and my black bra was showing through. I was horrified! I quickly adjusted the shirt as much as I could but realized I had worn out the button hole and the button wouldn’t stay. Luckily, I had brought a little button down sweater to the office and wore that the rest of the day. From that day forward, I learned to do the boob shirt test.
The boob shirt test consists of putting on the shirt and then sitting down, standing up, walking around, standing up super straight and tall, waving my hands, making a lot of gestures, and finally reaching for things. I do the test whether I’m trying on a new shirt with buttons or just getting ready for work or a video call.
So should you tell a woman you don’t know very well that she has an embarrassing peek-a-boob wardrobe malfunction? Yes! Here's why. When later she looks in the mirror or feels something airy between her breasts hours later, she’ll probably think to herself, "Why the hell didn't someone tell me?"
But how do you tell her?
Some ideas…
The quick comment. ”Hey! Your shirt.”
The eye contact. Make the super-solid eye content with her and look at boobs with wide eyes and return to the super-soild eye contact.
The hand gesture. Make eye contact and then the discrete hand motion to your chest with a gentle point towards her chest.
…then return to the conservation, like nothing is happened.
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