Breastimonial: Getting Felt Up By a 75 Year Old Woman

All through high school I was a 36 DD. A fact that I enjoyed since my initials were DD and most of my friends called me Double D. Then during my freshman year of college I gained a ton of weight thanks to a steady diet of giant chocolate chip cookies from the cafeteria and Papa John’s Pizza. 

Some women when they gain weight, feel it in their butt and hips, or as a general all over body expansion. Not me. I only gain weight in two places, my stomach and breasts. By the end of Freshman year I looked six months pregnant and had two bowling balls strapped to my chest. 

After accidentally exposing my nipples for like the tenth time in public, I finally decided it was time to go bra shopping. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Ohhh yay, bra shopping sounds sexy and fun!” And it can be, especially if you have smaller perkier breasts that fit into all the sexy styles and name brand bras. While my girlfriends in high school bought cute and colorful bras from Victoria's Secret and Calvin Klein I was forced to buy bras that had more depth and support, always in somber colors for some reason. 

So I gathered my courage and walked into the lingerie section at Nordstrom. As I flipped through the racks of bras with sizes from DDD to G, I started gritting my teeth in anger. DD bras are not cheap, but the bigger you go the higher the price gets. Plus it was harder and harder to find sexy looking bras in fun colors. All of the bigger sizes came in either nude, white or black and had giant straps that would show under tank tops. 

Finally an older saleswoman came over to help me. She took one look at my overflowing breasts in their too small bra and quickly ushered me into a dressing room to be measured. I’d never been properly fitted before. 

Afraid she’d start pulling my clothes off herself, I quickly took my shirt off. As I stood there topless with my giant breasts bursting out all over the place, waiting for her to begin measuring, she shook her head and motioned with her fingers for me to take my bra off too. 

This was before I’d experienced the freeing sensation of going topless at the beach. At the time I was extremely insecure about my weight gain and not eager to get naked in front of a mirror let alone another person. But the stern look on the woman’s face told me to stop being a child and woman up. So I reached behind me and unhooked my bra. Letting my massive mounds fall free and naked. 

She grabbed the measuring tape that was wrapped around her neck and quickly started measuring me. Casually lifting each breast so she could get the tape around my rib cage. It felt professional and was very quick. 

Afterwards she left and came back with a series of large old lady bras for me to try on. Each had massive cups the size of my face, with thick straps and a matronly look. Dismayed, I tried each one on with tears in my eyes as I faced my new reality. I was a nineteen year old girl now forced to wear the kind of bras my grandmother would wear. Sure they fit great and my giant knockers felt secure and supported but I’d never be able to wear any sexy dresses or low cut tops. I’d be restricted to turtle neck sweaters for the rest of my life. 

Plus each one cost between $60 to $80. A huge amount of money for a broke ass college student to pay. 

After trying on over twenty different bras I finally settled on two that were the sexiest of the bunch, although nowhere near as alluring as I’d hoped for. The saleswoman was not happy with my choices. I’d still gone with bras that were a cup size too small and she’d wanted me to get ones that fit properly and provided the best support. 

I eventually became more confident and secure in my new body, but still cringe every time I have to go bra shopping. 

This experience happened over twenty years ago and I’m happy to say that the lingerie industry has progressed a bit since then and now celebrates body positivity. So those of us blessed with voluptuous curves can finally buy bras in lots of different styles and sexy colors. Of course the prices are still high though!