Breastimonial: Being on Nipple Patrol is Hard Work
The other day I was at a friend's birthday party in a popular nightclub. The birthday girl came running up to me wearing a very sexy red dress with a neckline that plunged all the way down to her belly button. The kind of dress that makes it impossible to wear a bra. I hugged her and wished her a happy birthday.
““Oh my God! You look gorgeous. How are your tits staying inside that dress?” I asked.”
She laughed. Then did a sexy bent forward pose for me. Arms squeezing her perky little breasts together until it seemed like they were going to burst out…but no. Her nipples remained perfectly concealed. A feat that can only be accomplished with smaller cup sizes. Those of us with naturally large breasts could never get away with wearing a dress like that. No bra, no way.
““Tape baby. My boobs are tapped to the inside of the dress.” She said, “But seriously, I need you to be on nipple patrol tonight. If at any point you see a nipple slip out, you have to tell me right away. Promise?””
I immediately got very nervous. This was a serious responsibility and I knew the birthday girl was going to be drinking heavily and dancing hard all night. I was going to have to spend the entire party with my eyes glued to her boobs. A tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it.
““Ok.” I said. “You can count on me. No nip slips on my watch girl.””
Later on, I was at a table with another girlfriend and two other people I’d just met. She was wearing a beautiful purple dress with another plunging neckline, though not nearly as low as the birthday girl’s. This friend happens to have amazingly huge boobs. Bigger than mine and rounder. The kind of breasts that make even straight women want to dive in and start motorboating.
She started telling us a hilarious story about a camping trip that ended in disaster. While I was listening to her talk I kept one eye on the birthday girl and her precariously perched nipples at all times. Satisfied that her boobs were staying put for the moment, I turned my eyes back to the table.
“Suddenly I was faced with the shocking sight of a perfectly round and very erect nipple staring me in the face. ”
While my friend had been talking and making wild gestures about being chased by some kind of animal in the woods, her left nipple had come loose and popped out of her purple dress.
I started panicking. Here I was supposed to be on nipple patrol, albeit for a different woman and a nipple had still slipped through my guard. I was frozen in terror unsure of what to do.
“If it had been just the two of us, I’d have had no problem leaning over and telling her to put the mouse back in the house, but there were two other people at the table. ”
A straight guy and a lesbian. I quickly glanced at them to see if they were going to do anything but neither of them gave any indication of making a move.
The lesbian was sitting back with one arm up on the top of the booth. Her beer perched at her lips with an obvious smile on her face. Clearly enjoying the view. I mean who wouldn’t?
“It was a rare glance at an epic tity. ”
To the straight guy's credit I could see sweat starting to form on his upper lip as he concentrated very hard on looking my friend dead in the eyes and not down at her bare breast. Meanwhile she continued on with her story completely oblivious.
I had to do something! Finally, after a few agonizing seconds of indecision, I stood up and made some pretense about having something in my eye and walked around the table to her for help. Putting my back between her and the rest of the group. I waited until the others were looking at their phones, probably messaging as many friends as they could about what had just happened, to whisper to her.
““Honey, your boob just slipped out. You gotta put it back in.” ”
To my complete surprise she just laughed and scooped her breast back into her dress and then went on telling the rest of the story like nothing had happened. Not even the least bit embarrassed or concerned. Cool as a cucumber. Which really is the best way to handle that kind of situation I guess. Just brush it off and move on.
The rest of the night ended without another nipple mishap and as far as the birthday girl was concerned I’d performed my duty admirably. Everyone had a great time, apart from me who left the party sober and exhausted.
“When a boob wants to be free, sometimes there’s just nothing you can do to stop it.”
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