History is Full Of Booby-Shaped Glasses
It’s our job to study breasts in all their glorious shapes and sizes so we can deliver the very best booby-shaped pillow. In our many hours of arduous booby research, we’ve come across a fascinating bit of historical trivia. The breast and its voluminous shape has been making man thirsty for thousands of years. It’s time to educate the world on the titillating history of booby-shaped drinking vessels.
Did Marie Antoinette’s Left Breast become the Champagne Glass?
Many of you may have heard it said that the Champagne coupe was molded after Marie Antoinette’s left breast. The delicately curved coupe glass does resemble a perfectly perky breast. However, because the coupe was invented in England a hundred years before Marie Antoinette became Queen of France, we know that this is just a myth.
But we don’t really care if the story is true or not. What we care about is the fact that this legend did indeed inspire two very lovely supermodels, Claudia Schiffer and Kate Moss to have their left breasts cast in order to produce Champagne glasses of their very own.
Claudia Schiffer
For the reasonable price of $3,150, you can buy a porcelain coupe designed by Karl Lagerfeld from a mold of Claudia Schiffer’s beautiful bosom. They’ll also throw in a bottle of 1995 Dom Perignon. The coupe even comes complete with a rosy nipple that you can cradle in your hands.
Kate Moss
Next time you’re in London, be sure to pop into restaurant 34 and order a glass of Champagne. The intricate art deco coupe you’ll be putting your lips to was made in honor of Kate Moss’ 40th birthday, to celebrate her 25 years in the fashion industry. The curvy shape of the glass is based on her left breast.
Why always the left? Statistically speaking 65% of women have a slightly larger left breast. So it makes sense if you want the maximum amount of Champagne for your buck.
The Best Breasts in Paris
Long before supermodels were placing their boobs in plaster an American living in Paris during the 1930s was taking the city by storm with her perfect breasts. Lee Miller, a model, photographer and muse of the surrealist artist Man Ray was famous for having the very best breasts in the city. A rich patron insisted on having coupes made from her breasts so he could drink from them whenever he wanted.
Marie Antoinette’s Nipple Bowls
Back to Marie Antoinette. Now we know the coupe wasn’t shaped after her breasts but her husband king Louis XVI did gift her a lovely set of porcelain ‘bol seins’ or breast cups. Apparently, Marie was quite fond of cosplay and enjoyed dressing up as a dairymaid. She also encouraged French noblewomen to breastfeed their babies.
Knowing Marie’s love for all things lactation her thoughtful husband commissioned a set of four ‘jatte tetons’ to me be made in her honor and used during tea service. These delicate nipple bowls would go on to inspire Karl Lagerfeld’s design for Dom Perignon.
Helen of Troy and Her Life-Saving Boobs
While many people know that Helen of Troy had a face that launched a thousand ships few people are aware that her breasts were even more famous. In a desperate attempt to save her life from her jilted murderous husband Helen ripped open her dress, revealing her glorious rack. The sight of which was so awe-inspiring that Menelaus laid down his sword and instantly forgave her for causing the 10-year-long Trojan War.
A temple on the island of Rhodes is said to have kept a drinking vessel that was shaped like her breast. The chalice was worshipped as a symbol of fertility. Legend says the vessel was so beautiful that Helen offered it as a gift to the goddess of love, Aphrodite. Proving that even Aphrodite herself could not resist such a salacious sight.
Ancient Drunken Orgies
Even before Helen’s breasts were saving lives the ancient Greeks were drinking from booby-shaped bowls or mastos. These ceramic bowls were often used in fertility rituals and ceremonies honoring the god of wine, Dionysus. The mastos depicted women drinking wine and dancing around with satyrs who had huge engorged members. Reminding us all that kinky sex is not a modern invention.
Considering the breast is first and foremost a vessel to be suckled it makes sense that man has always sought to emulate that primal action. Here at Booby Pillow, we hope that more people are inspired to make jug-shaped jugs and bring back the nipple bowls for your next tea service.
What else comes in the shape of Boobs?
The Booby Pillow!
